Be Brave Project, Day 87; Duckin' and Weaving thru the Chocolated Christmas Maze

Well, I manned up and returned the fox fur neck stole I bought at Century 21 the week after thanksgiving: It was an egregious purchase in too many ways to keep. At $90, there are far far many better ways to spend the money than on a poor skinned animal; credit card payments, Internet/cable/phone bills, and a little something known as, well, gifts for other people.

But that's the horrible side-effect of all this damn Christmas shopping--I rarely to never go into department stores. Nowadays I pretty much shop in the magnificent vintage shops of this city, which I adore, but the experience is far more of a battle than a treat. If you emerge without having exposed your lady bits to employees and fellow customers, that is considered a victory.

So when I get in department stores, even cut-rate ones like C 21, all is gentleness and delight. Music is playing, perfume is being spritzed, salesgirls are sneering contentedly. After waiting in a long coiling line in the hidden bowels of the 3rd floor, I handed over my egregious purchase and got the money back--then all hell broke loose.

I ran for the basement, but they were out of Godiva chocolate bars. Shook my fist at the sky, then sprinted for the elevators to check out the Godiva stands on the second floor--still no chocolate bars. Feinted and ducked my way into "Accessories and Stockings", where I found silk-lined gloves for my mother. I then bought a pair of sheer sheer stockings for myself.

I simply cannot help it: Shopping kills my impulse control, but at least (unlike a fox stole--the lunacy of which still appalls me) sheer stockings are a necessity for the parties I'll be attending in the next week, cost under a tenner, and involved no bloodshed. Plus I'm hardly getting thrift store stockings, all laddered and covered in crumbs.

Then I bought my cousin a RL Jeans t-shirt, twisted and ducked my way back down to the Godiva stand in the basement, and found that 2 chocolate bars had appeared. Grabbed them, stood on another line, and eventually got out of C 21 with almost all of my Christmas shopping done.

Upside: I returned that poor fox.

Downside: I have bought approx. 19 Godiva chocolate bars in the last 3 weeks.

But all of my shopping is done, apart from one more (expensive) gift for my mother, which I will pick up at the Met.

If you were to ask me what the hell any of this has to do with the BBP, I would be at a loss for an answer. For a moment. Then I would say that remaining sober during the holiday season requires some cojones, the sort that most people don't swing around. And what will require fortitude is remaining patient with my family, despite their massively self-destructive tendencies.

But right now I will do something that I have been procrastinating on (always a danger sign): I will call my accountant with some questions about taxes for next year. And if he doesn't know, I will ask my brother to recommend someone who does.

Such glamor, my Manhattan life! Chocolate bars and tax scenarios.