Today was supposed to mark the end of the Project for me; 6 weeks ago today I did my first Brave Thing, by contacting an ex boyfriend in Paris with whom I needed to sort some things out.That bit o' bravery took me all of 12 minutes, he couldn't have been nicer about it all (well, it was mostly me apologizing--but as I'm sure you know people can occasionally take apologies as an opportunity to recite your faults, and he did not).
12 minutes that I've barely thought about since, because once the phone call was made and apologies accepted, my monkey mind stopped torturing me with it all and just settled down. The next day I called the Dream Accountant on the impulse of a moment--and left him a message. Second brave thing done. . .I'd begun nervously circling the tax issues that had been bothering me so, and was profoundly tired of waiting for some terrifying notice to come through the mail, and wondering why on earth nothing ever arrived.
By the end of the week I'd:
-Visited hell, in the form of the "Speedy Renewal" branch of the New York Dep't of Motor Vehicles.
-Spoken with the Dream Accountant and already received good information. Put together tax packet for him & shipped it off.
-Taken cat to the vet for delayed dental surgery/cleaning that I was worried would kill her.
-Given an Enormous diabetic cat 2 shots of insulin, needle-phobic though I am.
And I'd realized that the BBP isn't a 6 week project; that most things considered brave in my daily life, (where there's remarkably little hand-to-hand combat or embedded land mines, apart from the emotional variety) are simply acts of self-care and determination to have a better life. You can avoid dealing with your taxes, if you want to behave like a child and feel like a deadbeat. You can live without health insurance simply to protest the antediluvian gruesomeness of this wealthiest country providing none for its citizens--but who does that hurt? Who does that keep up at night? Certainly not our President.
The BBP is like going to the gym, really. You use those muscles or they get weak, and flabby, and they worry you and age you.
What I've learned is this: You've got to ACT to be motivated.
It isn't the other way around. The Be Brave Project is, I have realized, about the long haul.
Next phase of the BBP: Moving and getting that book done! I have an agent who wants to see it!
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1 comment:
Congrats on taking the plunge on the new apartment. We can't grow if we're not willing to get out of our comfort zone. Looks like you're about to do a little growing. Nice work.
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