Be Brave Project, Day 17: Let's All Just Take a Deep Breath, Now.

I apologize for the somewhat breathless (though still rather earthy) tone of the previous few posts. It's just that for years I wandered this planet feeling like the outcast of outcasts, premiere drunken asshole du monde, and general paralytically frightened fool--all over my taxes. But now the untangling has begun--and it's such a relief.

Not just the money--though like most Duchesses I've ever met (and baby, shouldn't we all be Duchesses in our own minds? Not accepting anything but the best behavior, from ourselves and others?)--I can absolutely use the money.

It's just a pleasure to walk around, do my errands and work and write, with this weight lifted from me.

But now's the time to stop running around in circles at the excitement of it all, and re-focus.

Breathe, Elusive D.
Breathe.

And let's take stock for the moment. The original goals of the BBP, as set out late last month were--here we're going to go all italicized and misty as we fade to the past--

For the next Six Weeks, until the Friday after Labor Day (September 4th),
I will do One Brave Thing each day.
-Some of these things will be small, like my first one, but must be celebrated nonetheless.

-I am required to write my brave thing down here, in order to commemorate it.

-I am taking Weekends off, to be a non-brave self and just to rest and watch "It's Me or The Dog" while I paint my toe nails and write sweet fuck-all apart from e-mails.

-I do not have to continue doing brave things after the 4th of September. In fact, if I would then like to forget bravery and impetus and the cruel passage of time upon the procrastinatory, I am then free to do so. Or I can use this blog to take a look at how things have changed and try to find how to move things forward.

Within the space of the 6 weeks of the Be Brave Project,
I must get these things done:
-Get Health Insurance
-Get Driver's License Renewed
-Call the Accountant and sort out grievously embarrassing money issues.
-Pre-qualify for a mortgage. Find out what you are qualified for.
-Take A.B. up on his offer to read your screenplay adaption.
-Plot the novel, using the "Quest" structural format and the one adopted last summer.
-Write the first draft of the novel; 200 pages in total. BRAVE.
-Begin serious job search--force self to decide if you can deal with office life. The trade-off of security for giving up the luxury and uncertainty of freedom/freelancing.

That seems like a pretty damn serious list to begin with. Too big, perhaps? Too much.
Well, I've seen what asking and accepting too little can do: NOT Bloody Enough.

Woof! That's a bit sobering. And here's the summary of my actions & results so far:

-I wasn't able to get my Driver's license renewed, due to ridiculous identification demands by the NY DMV. And I was scared (hmmm) to go to the Social Security office for my card. . .seriously tempted to renew my license in Illinois, where it's civilized and they require reasonable forms of ID, like passport and birth certificate.

-I DID apply for Health Insurance. Am waiting to hear from Healthy NY.

-I DID DEAL WITH THE TAX SITUATION. Now not scared of the Social S. office. Learned I should be getting money back! All delightful. . .

-I HAVE written A.B. about lunch (with goal of bringing script for him to look at). Haven't heard back yet: The ball's in his court, which is quite nice.

-I HAVE called about pre-mortgaging, and found out some discouraging truths, + some useful information. Also found a guarantor for a mortgage, which will make all the difference.

-I am STILL frightened by novel. Am researching plotting, still. . .but not working hard enough. Work done on Novel is part of the BBP: I need to remember that. Something done every day.

-Have PUT OFF job search due to fears of moving, and in order to have time with novel--one of which didn't happen, the other of which I'm scared to work on. That must be resolved.

So here are new Being Brave Projects as additions:

1. Learning how to sort out my credit history. I will be reading this fantastically straightforward and informative blog on credit. I like the guy who writes it because he actually replies to emails--very encouraging to a person crawling out of the primordial mire, financially. . .

2. Taking action to remove negative credit.

3. Organize plans for Novel--Start writing in September. Until then, sort out plotting.

4. Find a part-time job (preferably on the Columbia University campus) so can afford to write.

5. Send essays around! Self magazine gets the piece on Facebook, and pitch Jackie's "As Told To" to Marie Claire and Women's Health. If that doesn't work, find other publications.

6. Keep moving forward with plans to buy a home.

So. Now I will spend half an hour dealing with my credit report, which I printed up yesterday via. Experion (BBP action for yesterday). Dealing with credit plus the fact that I just mailed my 2005 tax information to the Dream Accountant= My BBP actions for today. I think I'll email the lovely guy at Creditmatters123.blogspot.com to ask a question about negative credit. Or I'll send proof of payment to NY State. . .

And this evening, as a lovely greasy nutty insanely summery treat, I will make Elizabeth David's Pesto.