Day 59, Be Brave Project;

Working towards a goal is the only really satisfying way to lead a life, I belatedly believe. (I also am beginning to come around to other radical concepts like paying my bills, and the benefits of not ingesting poison on a regular basis.)

But back to the goals: Not even I can delude myself into believing that no one told me about this 'achievement' thing, so I can only come to the embarrassing conclusion that I suffered from deafness in addition to depression. I come from a family of high achievers, but both of my parents hated their jobs, their lives, and drink far, far too much. It was a lot like living in a mini-series entitled: John Cheever's People: The Next Generation. I was early on infected with the concept that one achieves basically to impress other people, and I didn't see that the flip side of that coin is obviously "because otherwise they'll find out you're crap."

Ish. No wonder my brothers and I are all anxious at best, and angry/evasive at worst. And my poor parents have never been content within themselves, not for a moment.

Anyway, The Achieving Goal thing. This BBP--Which I recommend to anybody, even if done in my rather raggedy and roaming manner--has really shown me the satisfaction of that. Since July I have done my terrifyingly belated taxes, received refunds for all three (most of which just ended up paying fines, but that's still a fantastic step forward). I have got myself health insurance at a price I can almost afford. I have paid my bills and paid off one credit card in full--and my credit rating has gone up 50 points. I have battled with my landlords, written a letter to bargain them down to a more reasonable rent, and then seized the bull by the horns and accepted a fabulous opportunity to move. It's a bit uncertain, and frankly required accepting an un-official lease, but the financial and safety advantages are enormous.

Now I have two more things to do, apart from the Big Book Project:

-Get my Social Security card, now I'm cool with The Man. Then use that to re-new my driver's license.

-Go see a doctor and get a check up already.

And yesterday I called to make a doctor's appointment, with a woman who is highly recommended by a friend in AA. The appointment is two weeks from today: I frankly am frightened. I feel pretty good, I work out all the damn time and eat like a refined but famished linebacker. . .but it's been a while.

2 weeks.

Before that time I would like to get that Social Security card. Which means going back to Mid-Town to deal with NYC bureaucracy. . . .It's Halloween, so time to talk about SCARY!